Tag Archives: sassy gay friend

Keyword Search Fun: Megamind Rifles and Robert Pattinson Notebooks

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That’s right, boys and girls, it’s time once again for me to go through my keywords and see how on earth some of you make it here.  I’ve done this before, playing with Valentines & RPatz keywords (view it HERE).  I’ve decided to take a different approach this time and address some of the top-rated keywords that have shown up in my queue lately.  I realize it’s probably futile to try to make sense of some of this, but here goes nothing!

Megamind Rifle – Okay, I assume this is the giant gun that Megamind uses to shoot Metro Man DNA up some loser’s nose.  I don’t know where you can find one of these, so good luck in your search.  If you happen to come across one, send me a picture!

Robert Pattinson Notebook – Really? I mean, if you’re 13, I guess this is acceptable.  If you’re 33, notsomuch.  (HINT: Try Wal-Mart)

What does freedom look like in a picture? – What does faith look like in a picture?  Or hunger?  It’s subjective.  Draw a picture.  That’s what freedom looks like to you. 

‘look at your life. look at your choices. have you even slept with that guy?’ – Look at your capitalization.  Look at your Google searches.  Have you tried YouTube? Look up “Sassy Gay Friend.”  You’re welcome (P.S. That’s the Juliet sketch you’re looking for).

Oh, great, its warming up, the sun is warming up – Uh…I’m sorry.  I’m a writer.  I must copy-edit your search terms here; I can’t stand it.  It could read: “Oh, great.  It’s warming up; the sun is warming up.”  or  “Oh, great. It’s warming up!  The sun is warming up?” (optional ! here instead of ? if you’d like) Again this is a Megamind related search.  Will Farrell would be proud.

Pooper scooper – Bwahahahahaaaaa!! Seriously?  No, really?! 

she’s by my side i feel her hand in my mine walking me through this nightmarish life she’s understanding when i wince in pain she… – O_o  Not only does this have horrible grammar issues (thank you auto-correct cell phones for the degradation of the English language and killing silly things like capitalizing an “i” when not texting), but w-o-w.  I’m sure this bears some resemblance to a song, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard it.  How that got you here, I’ll never know. 

snookis revelution – Gah!!!  There’s more than one Snooki????  Oh.  Snooki is possessive of the “revelution”?  It’s called an apostrophe.  Also, are you looking for revelation rather than revolution?  I really hope so.  The former is safer a lot safer, as the latter likely demands pleather, Bump Its, fake bake, and no class.  I said it.

indie painting my nails yellow? – Is this, like, the first line of a poem or something?  Are you wondering if you’ll be “indie” if you paint your nails yellow?  Are you maybe looking for another word…perhaps something along the lines of “hipster“? Why is there a question mark at the end of that sentence?  What are you searching for?  Did you find it?  Good luck with that?   

Thus concludes our fun with keywords session for today.  Happy Wednesday.

P.S., I Hate You

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Yes, annoying-tooth-that-started-out-as-a-harmless-crown-and-ended-in-a-root-canal-today, I’m talking to you. Why you gotta play me like that?

P.S.S., I <3 my A-MAZING endodontist for a) not hurting me more than I was already hurting, b) taking the pain away, c) making sure I felt nothing, and d) for telling me the story of their South African, middle-aged, uber-conservative co-worker (another endo) and his trip to Gaga's concert and the fun the entire office made of him when they found out.

Seriously, though, it wasn't bad at all! It was my first root canal, and of course, all I'd heard were horror stories, except from my mother who has always said that they're just a little more annoying than a regular filling.

Granted, this is coming from the woman who has a pain tolerance that would put massive football players, adrenaline junkies, and Jackass guys to shame, and I’m typically fantastic about still feeling things at the dentist when I’m supposedly numbed, so I was a little wary, but when you’re eyeing the plyers with serious intent, a little bit of pain in the dental chair isn’t such a bad option.

But, turns out, they’re not that big a deal, so if you’ve never had one, feel free to cite me as one of the rare folks who will say, “Hey, it’s not so bad!” It’s especially not bad if you’ve been in pain for a week and you suddenly find yourself numb and out of pain…I was tempted to take a nap.

Oh, and totally unrelated, I also <3 this:

Michigan, Part Deux

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So yeah…

Texas summer thunderstorms = tornadoes.

Michigan summer thunderstorms = tornadoes. [sound of squealing breaks] Wait. WHAT?!? [Looks around for an explanation] Oh, basement in Michigan, how I love thee.

So, if you were anywhere near a t.v. last week, you would have probably noticed on Wednesday there was an earthquake in Canada. It was felt all the way down into Detroit…where I was hanging out. We were chasing chil’ens, so we didn’t feel anything, but come 10pm-ish that same night, lo and behold, a tornado warning pops up. In Michigan. What the…?! Wow, Michigan. You sure do know how to show a girl a great time!

Let’s just say that lack of sleep + stress from all the armageddon-esque natural disasters around us led to some real wackiness…which led to a fun Thursday, a sleepy Friday and some wonky Jaws watching Friday night. We were sober. Sadly, observers would think we were WASTED.

At some point in the night, it was decided that we needed to find a Sassy Gay Shark Friend to re-work the Jaws saga. Requirements: a penchant for eating poorly-dressed swimmers and the ability to say “Rawr.” Bonus points if the following line can be delivered effectively: “She’s a stupid fi-esh.”

Remember Sassy Gay Friend?

And here’s a roaring shark for you:

Hey look!! A Sassy Gay Shark parade sighting!

(Thanks, shopping.com)

SGF has RUINED me…

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(SGF = Sassy Gay Friend)

Last night, I was watching New Moon with my husband. It was actually his idea. [I keep trying to tell people that he's the best hubby in the world and I think this is just further proof.] So, up comes the scene where Edward and Bella are in class and they’re watching Romeo & Juliet.

Here it is, sorry for the Georgian subtitles; it’s the only clip I could find.

Anywho…I’m watching this and I just start chuckling. Because, all I can think is:

“What are you doing? What, what? WHAT are you doing?”

Oh, Sassy Gay Friend, thou art hilarious. Ooh, ooh! We need a SGF saves Bella clip!! Can you imagine?!

“‘What are you doing? What, what? WHAT are you doing?’”“Edward left me and I’m going to jump off this cliff to hear him.”
“To hear him? [Ooh! Here we can actually use some of SGF's lines!!!] ‘Slow down, crazy. Slow down.‘”
“‘Love makes you crazy’.”
“‘Yeah, I would say so.’ Edward, oh Edward! I have to hear you! ‘Translation: Desperate, desperate! I am really desperate!’ Come on, sister! He’s a sparkly stalker boy and he left you!”
“‘I’m a grown woman.’”
“‘I think you’re [17] and you’re an idiot.’ You have a hottie running around with his shirt off, ready to stick his tongue down your throat and you’re jumping off a cliff to hear your obsessed ex-boyfriend. ‘Look at your life. Look at your choices. Have you even slept with [that] guy?’”
“‘I did.’”
“‘You big slut! Good for you!’ Now, come one, let’s go find ourselves some werewolf hotties, ‘you stupid beeatch.’”

Ahahahahaha! That would be pure greatness!!

(The real SGF: Romeo & Juliet skit)