I had to write this piece for a contract application, but since it’s not getting published elsewhere, I thought I’d share it with you. It kind of goes along with my Transmissions from Dating Land posts. It’s funny because it’s true:
5 Signs You’re a Stalker
Dating or stalking? There’s a fine line between the two, and it’s easy to become a stalker if you get carried away. But, how do you know if you’ve crossed that line? Here are 5 signs you’re a stalker:
- You obsess over the other person: Okay, so this isn’t the most horrible thing in the world, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a stalker, but every stalker starts out as an overly obsessed fan. Do you think of that guy as soon as you wake up in the morning? Do you daydream about that hot chick at your lunch hour? Watch out! You may have “stalker” in your future.
- You’re always the first to call:Or text. Find yourself picking up that phone to send him a text, jumping on Facebook to see if you two can chat? You’re not giving the other person enough space. Chill out and let them come to you; otherwise, you’re shaping up to be prime stalker material.
- You creep their Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, or other Social Networking site: You’ve probably even Googled her. Not cool dude, not cool. If you know a ton about her because you two have spent some quality time together, that’s awesome. If you know a ton about her because she’s gotten verbose filling out her Facebook profile, you have a problem.
- You’re writing poetry and/or songs for them: Sure, this is okay every once in a while, but if you find yourself turning into a virtual Shakespeare, you’re showing signs of potential stalker-hood.
- The cops are actually called on you: See also: a big brother, best guy friend, or scary mom. If that girl is calling for backup, then you need to simmer down. Like, now. Before you get arrested. While this is less-than-likely to happen in real life, if it does, buddy you have issues.
What can you do to avoid being a stalker? Get a hobby, get some friends, and give that guy or girl some space. And for the love of Pete, get off Facebook!
Weekends should be longer. Because I say so. This should be enough of a reason for you, but if I must elaborate then here’s my reasoning:
People only work a four-day week as it is anyway, it just happens to be spread over five days. No one really works hard before noon on Monday, and everyone has a weekly grown-up version of senioritis after noon on Friday. Just smoosh Monday afternoon and Friday morning together, extend the weekend, and BAM! Done.
A writer’s block, thou art a foul beast! So today I decided to search quotes about women in order to inspire today’s post and combat the witch that is writer’s block. I came across this one by Oprah Winfrey:
“I am a woman in process. I’m just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull.” (via)
Wow. Let that sink into your brain folds for a minute. A woman in process. Substitute “man” for woman if you wish: a man in process.
A human in process.
I imagine myself and everyone I know as these divine little lumps of clay. We’re formed and molded into something awesome as we go along our daily lives. Things will hurt us and take a chunk out. We’ll find a soul mate (not necessarily a romantic soul mate) and then we become bigger on one side. We turn into this evolving, improving bundle of cosmic goo – something far more glorious than our beginnings. Okay, maybe that’s going a bit far, but the point is this: the experiences we have shape us and mold us into the people we become. Life has its ups and downs. Lots of time, we’re just along for the ride. Oprah just put it into a beautiful gob of words.
I just finished this delicious little literary treat today. I believe it’s all of 167 pages. It’s simple, it’s sweet, and I’m in love with this little book.
If you recall a previous post, this is one of those library books I just happened to pick up because of the cover art. (Well, that, and the fact that it was written by Gene Wilder) Yes, I’ll judge a book by its cover, but that doesn’t always work out for me. I’m so glad that The Woman Who Wouldn’t caught my eye. It’s set in the early 1900s and the main character is a violinist. So, naturally, these elements [plus the fact that it is written by Wilder] made me have to check it out.
Basically, it’s the story of the main character, Jeremy, who goes a little nuts and gets sent to a German ”spa” to recover. There, he meets Clara who ends up being the tragically ill and previously abused love of his life. He learns to love rather than womanize. He finds his heart and channels it into his music.
I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s beautiful. It’s a very quick read; the chapters are crazy short, but it’s like a little brownie of a book. I can’t describe it. I love novellas, they’re just enough of a story to satisfy and leave you wanting more.