Category Archives: Dating

On Blueberries and Snuggle Time

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I’m lunching at the office today and trying to distance myself from work stuff a little by doing something else, something “different.” So, what do I do? I write a blog post (that’s right, take a break from writing by simply writing something else) when I could be staring dumbly at the ceiling and counting the tiles in a mind-numbing state. Clearly, I have problems.

Anyway, I tell you this because I have a little container of blueberries next to me. I snarf down two or three every couple of minutes,and wow they’re great. I buy pounds (yes, pounds) of blueberries now because MW2 loves them; he eats them like candy. In fact, when he reads this, I’m sure he’ll remember that there are a couple more containers waiting for him in the fridge–they’re on that little half-shelf behind the tall stuff, babe!

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So anyway, the first time I came home from Spouts with a ton of blueberries (not a literal ton, but you’d think it was that much). As I’m unpacking things, MW2 sees the berries and makes a comment about them, and it was clear that he was happy. He grew up in NH after all, where blueberries apparently grow like weeds and you can get them for longer periods of time than can be had here in Tejas.

“I got them for you,” I say with a shrug. It wasn’t a big deal and it would make him happy.

“You did?”

“Yeah. You got blueberry ice cream at the ice cream shop last night, so I figured you’d like some.”

He gave me a big ol’ smackeroo and we shared one of the containers right then and there, right out of the box.

***

I have never been to sort to cuddle with someone on the couch. Mainly, this is because every man I’ve ever been with hasn’t cuddled with me so much as lain on top of me so as to either make half of my body go numb, or to make it impossible to breathe. Suffocation is not fun.

MW2 loves to snuggle. And I love to snuggle with him. He has a habit of stretching out on the couch and laying with his head in my lap. We’ve spent hours in this position; I play with his hair and we talk and laugh. Those are some of my favorite moments.

In bed, he will wrap his arms around me and pull me close. There are even times when we fall asleep on the same pillow. If the position isn’t comfortable, it’s a non-issue. We move around so that we’re comfortable. My arm has never fallen asleep. We can snuggle while watching a movie and I can breathe the whole time.

Because he pays attention.

***

On Saturday, we were sitting at the bar over at The L (not to be confused with The H). We were chatting with our friend, C. She was telling us about how great her boyfriend is in the kitchen–it turns out he’s a wonderful cook. Of course, I mention MW2′s mad culinary skills and about how great it is to not have to be the only person cooking all the time.

He chimes in: “She buys such interesting things and leaves them in the fridge–all kinds of stuff that I wouldn’t think about getting at the store,” he says. “And she buys me blueberries.”

The Guy Who Didn’t Know When to Stop

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We set out for the most hipster-infested bar we’ve found in our little college town last night. It’s on the downtown square and sits above a rather nasty hole-in-the-wall bar where grunge music pours out of the door every time it’s opened. Anyway, head upstairs and you find the hipster cave. And we sat around waiting for our people to arrive. My dear friend, Mr. H, whom I’ve known forever–we seriously can’t remember a time we haven’t known each other–came out, which was great because I haven’t seen him in forever. Our nutty Rose joined us, as did our roommate Master I (that’s an “i”, not a Roman numeral).

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Mr. H needed relationship advice and just needed to generally get out of the house and away from his research. Rose shared with us a handwritten note she’d received from a friend (who writes and mails notes anymore? It was cute!), and Master I and I played a swift game of chess–because the hipster den was just the sort of place to have chess sets on tables randomly scattered about.

Anyway, we met people and played games, as is customary when MW2 and I hit the town, and we met a guy we’ll call Keith. So, Keith seems alright and eventually he and Master I got to chatting, but we decided around midnight that it was time to move on. Mr. H had to go home and go to bed as he had to be a grown up the next morning, and we were just pretty bored with the waning crowd.

So, off we go to The H. The H is our favorite hangout: they don’t card us at the door, we know all the cocktail waitresses, and they tend to give us the –ahem–stronger drinks. Well, guess who shows up? Keith. And his group of misfits.

And he starts hitting on one of our friends. So much so that I’m embarrassed for Keith’s wife. MW2 and I had to tell him “No” every time he asked to switch seats with us to get closer to our friend–who is married and very uninterested in any sort of advances from Keith. And when I say every time, I mean the dude tried it five or six times over the course of like an hour. I’ve seen this kind of thing before in Dating Land, but never in such an overtly pushy way, and never by a man whose wife was sitting right next to him as he hit on another married woman. He kept telling our friend how lucky her husband is, and he kept wanting to set up times to meet again. And every single time, the answer was the same: No.

People, seriously, when a group of friends continually stiff-arms you when it comes to their friend, take the hint and know when to stop!

But You Didn’t Have to Cut Me Off

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Why do we feel the need to burn bridges? Why is it so hard to keep a relationship going after a fall-out–and I mean any relationship: romantic or otherwise?

So here’s the deal: my first husband and I are great friends (the same cannot be said of my middle husband). First Husband and I have a kiddo–Her Royal Pinkness, the Minty Ninja, Ems, whatever I feel like calling her today. It behooves us (Do you like that? Behooves?). Anyway, it behooves us to be–at very least–civil with one another. We are lucky enough, in fact, to be one of the other’s best friends.

My darling MW2 thinks First Husband is great; the two chat about everything under the sun. Seriously, I can barely get a word in edgewise sometimes (NOT that I’m complaining–I can’t hate that my bf gets along well with a man who will be in my life at least until la petite is 18). We’ve met First Husband’s very sweet and beautiful soon-to-be second wife. In fact, the four of us ended up inadvertently offending a nearby table when we all met up for lunch. So really, that’s a win.

But when I talk to people and mention the good standing that First Husband and I find ourselves on, they can’t seem to be able to grasp that the two of us–make that four of us–can get along so well. I mean, I realize that being good friends with an ex is really difficult sometimes, and trust me: there were times when First Husband and I wanted to kill each other (metaphorically, of course). But it doesn’t have to always be that way.

The same applies for friends who may have gone by the wayside. I’ll admit that I’ve had less success with regaining friendships. Perhaps the fact that First Husband and I have the little fairy to contend with motivated us to mend those fences–I fully realize how lucky I am to be able to count him among my friends and not just somebody that I used to be married to.

Anyway, I’ve lost friends and there’s something that either holds me or the other person back from reconnecting. I can cite reasons specific to each situation for why those tears are still there, but is there something underlying?

Think about it: these are people we cared about enough to allow them to be close enough to hurt us as much as they did. Is that why we have to cut them off? Because it hurts too much to be reminded of what could have been? Is it pride? Is it immaturity? I don’t know. I put it to you, dear Internets. What do you think?

Busy, Busy, BUSY!

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Yes, this is one of those this-is-what-I’m-doing-lately-and-I’m-going-to-pretend-you-care posts.  I have a blog and I’m entitled to do this from time to time.

So I have been working as an editor, full-time, for a publishing company here in town (no, I’m not going to tell you which one) and although I love my job–I mean, come on! You give the writer a full-time gig with benefits and she’s going to be very happy–I find that I’m having to rearrange the time I use to write. I have to rethink my time management skills.

That being said, I’m reading a great book, Hit Lit: Cracking the Code of the Twentieth Century’s Biggest Bestsellers by James W. Hall, and I’m learning a ton! So much, in fact, that I’m holding off on pimping WAKE OF DARKNESS to publishers and I’m reconstructing parts of it, based upon the advice given by Hall.

Hit Lit: Cracking the Code of the Twentieth Century's Biggest Bestsellers It’s already an invaluable resource and I’m just into the first few chapters. Basically, this is me–as a writer–recommending it to you–you know, as a writer. It’s an easy read and is quite entertaining, actually.

So anyways, I’m working on WAKE based on the advice I’m gleaning from this book, and because WAKE is about vampire hunters (and agents are getting tired of the genre even though this one is TOTALLY different), I think I’m just going to publish it as an eBook, which is great thing for you readers, since I will certainly be running it on a free weekend sometime once it’s out.

TRANSMISSIONS FROM DATING LAND is still going strong and has done well so far, despite its limited audience–because really, not everyone is looking for a satirical date book.

Other projects in the works: I’m editing PRINCES, a great novella by my bf, otherwise known as MW2. We’re going to publish it as an eBook sometime soon.

Be sure to check out my tumblr account: http://brainybabe.tumblr.com/ which is just more of my silliness. I tend to jump on there during a lunch break or when I have just a couple of minutes to post something silly or quick. It’s fun.

I’m also thinking of constructing an anthology of short stories which will include some flash fiction from myself, perhaps a short story or two from MW2, and then an open call for some unpublished little ditties from some of my writer friends. That one would likely be a free eBook, with the intent to get the word out on some great writers out there who would otherwise not have a voice.

I’m also playing around with a new story, tentatively entitled SAIL. It’s a dieselpunk story with some interesting magical/superhero-type characters. I’m having fun twirling the characters around in my head and figuring out their back stories.

So in addition to all that, I’m apartment shopping and doing the working single mom thing; loving my bf more every day (yes, that was uber-mushy, get over it), enjoying life, and looking for the next awesome thing that will be coming along soon, whether it’s a new writing project, a project house, a fun trip, or whatever!