Why do we feel the need to burn bridges? Why is it so hard to keep a relationship going after a fall-out–and I mean any relationship: romantic or otherwise?
So here’s the deal: my first husband and I are great friends (the same cannot be said of my middle husband). First Husband and I have a kiddo–Her Royal Pinkness, the Minty Ninja, Ems, whatever I feel like calling her today. It behooves us (Do you like that? Behooves?). Anyway, it behooves us to be–at very least–civil with one another. We are lucky enough, in fact, to be one of the other’s best friends.
My darling MW2 thinks First Husband is great; the two chat about everything under the sun. Seriously, I can barely get a word in edgewise sometimes (NOT that I’m complaining–I can’t hate that my bf gets along well with a man who will be in my life at least until la petite is 18). We’ve met First Husband’s very sweet and beautiful soon-to-be second wife. In fact, the four of us ended up inadvertently offending a nearby table when we all met up for lunch. So really, that’s a win.
But when I talk to people and mention the good standing that First Husband and I find ourselves on, they can’t seem to be able to grasp that the two of us–make that four of us–can get along so well. I mean, I realize that being good friends with an ex is really difficult sometimes, and trust me: there were times when First Husband and I wanted to kill each other (metaphorically, of course). But it doesn’t have to always be that way.
The same applies for friends who may have gone by the wayside. I’ll admit that I’ve had less success with regaining friendships. Perhaps the fact that First Husband and I have the little fairy to contend with motivated us to mend those fences–I fully realize how lucky I am to be able to count him among my friends and not just somebody that I used to be married to.
Anyway, I’ve lost friends and there’s something that either holds me or the other person back from reconnecting. I can cite reasons specific to each situation for why those tears are still there, but is there something underlying?
Think about it: these are people we cared about enough to allow them to be close enough to hurt us as much as they did. Is that why we have to cut them off? Because it hurts too much to be reminded of what could have been? Is it pride? Is it immaturity? I don’t know. I put it to you, dear Internets. What do you think?